Old Blue Eyes

Frank was a sweet old man in a wheelchair. He had eyes so blue and sparkly that they took you in to far away places.

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I really liked the guy. He would come into Markdown Mania very regularly. It was my understanding that Frank could walk, but in the store he used a motorized wheelchair.

On the back of the chair he had a cloth shopping bag attached. Every time he would buy something, I would place it in his bag and wish him a good day.

Somewhere along the way, I struck up a conversation with Frank. We would tease each other and his eyes would light up. I felt like I was a better person because I was doing something nice for another human being.

Frank told me about his past. Among other things, he worked at an auto race track. In a low voice, he told me there had been a problem with a woman and her husband. The woman ran around on her husband a lot. Of course, the husband was furious.

According to Frank, the woman intimated that she had slept with Frank. According to him, that was a bald faced lie.

I liked listening to his stories. I’ve always enjoyed hearing about other people’s past, the different jobs they’ve had, their love lives, and so on.

I guess I’m a bit of a voyeur in that way.

Frank and I got to be friendly with each other. Every time he checked out, he’d say, “Now don’t go foolin’ around on me.”

Then one day, I was working in the food section and Frank rolled up to me and we started chatting. The next thing I know, he says this. “Would you sleep with me?”

That’s when I realized that those sweet, sparkly blue eyes were really horny, lecherous eyes!

I was so shocked I couldn’t speak. But Frank didn’t get it. (He wasn’t the only one.) He kept looking at me expecting a yes.

I kept looking at him thinking, “Holy shit! What just happened here?”

In an instant, the sweet little old man I thought the world of turned into a letch!

I took off my rose colored glasses and stared hard at Frank. Here was a guy probably in his late 70’s or early 80’s who most likely hadn’t gotten any in years.

I had to hand it to him. To feel that kind of sexual vigor at his age was way cool. And seriously, to proposition me? He got an A+ for balls in my book.

I recovered the best I could and told Frank no. He looked disappointed. That’s when I realized, this guy ain’t operating with a full deck. (Yes, I know. I’m slow on the uptake.)

Why should that surprise me? Nobody at MM operates with a full deck. Obviously, I’m at the top of that list.

I backed away from Frank and told him I had to get back to work. He looked confused.

He continued to be confused every time he came into the store. The poor man didn’t get that he had crossed the line and could never return.

I felt sorry for him but not enough to resume our banter.

The moral of the story is: Killing them with kindness is not always the best idea.