Meet The Manager

Meet The Manager

Sleazy salesman pointingOkay, so there are three women in management. But then there’s the store manager, Darryl.  Also known as Darryl the Dick. And sometimes known as DARRYL THE DICK.

You’ll see why in a minute.

Pencil thin, 40-ish with black-rimmed glasses, Darryl has a comeback for everything. “I’ve worked in retail a long time. I‘ve got an answer for anything the customer asks,” he tells me with as much of a swagger as he can manage.

What he means is he’s got an answer for every disappointed, agitated or disgruntled customer who wants to blame him for FILL IN THE BLANK. And, you know, that’s fine. You need a bit of armor to work with the public.

The problem is it’s Darryl’s only strategy for working with anybody. True to his high functioning sociopathic personality, Darryl sees himself as the luxury limo of sales. He thinks he’s smooth, personable, and yes, even funny.

The truth is way scarier.

He’s actually very passive aggressive. And he never praises his employees. If he sees two of us talking, he walks right over and inserts himself into the conversation physically. Never says a word. He just stands there and gloats.

It’s his way of telling us, Get back to work. Now please understand, we’re standing at the customer service station. Or one of us is leaving and the other is starting our shift. We’re just saying a few words before parting.

But for Darryl the Dick, it’s an opportunity. He lets his staff know that he’s watching, that he’s in charge. And, by God, he’s not going to take any shenanigans. Except that he does.

A heavy smoker, if you can’t find him, just go look outside. You’ll find him at either end of the sidewalk, sucking in smoke and talking on the phone.

Darryl the Dick becomes DARRYL THE DICK when he belittles and blames a minimum wage employee for something that was actually his fault. Or, when the employee isn’t observant enough to notice that the store has moved inventory yet again to another part of the building.

Darryl the Dick doesn’t really see anyone beside himself. The world ends at the tip of his nose.

I asked him if the store was going to give Maggie, who was pregnant at the time with her first child, a baby gift.

“Probably not,” he said. “I wouldn’t know what to get her.”

And that’s Darryl in a nutshell.

As much as Darryl pretends to be in charge, he’s the most out of control person I know. By his own admission, he’s terrified of confrontation. That makes it hard to manage employees and run a store, which is why the store reflects Darryl’s own personal life.

It’s a wreck.